I head to the coffee bean hopper and turn on the grinder, filling my steel pot with water and fetch a brown, square filter for my Chemex. As I slowly pour the steaming water over the fresh grounds, I review my steps for the day, sorting through the tasks and plans, praying for clarity and patience to mother my children with compassion and intention.
It’s easy to let the glory of motherhood fade in the heat of the moment.
But at this moment peacefully sipping coffee, I am exactly the mom I want to be: the mom who loves unconditionally and never runs out of good ideas. The mom who perfectly disciplines and calmly leads her children with wisdom and panache.
Not the mom I frequently am, crying in the shower while her kids pull her underwear out of her dresser drawer again and eat all the yogurt covered raisins and gummy snacks because I don’t have the energy to protest anymore.
I can’t help but wonder if I am actually getting “it” right. This whole parenting thing. I feel like I should have figured out the “perfect” parenting equation by now.
I hear the kids waking up, so I pull out the peanut butter and strawberry jam to make sandwiches for our outing to the children’s museum. I don’t get dressed until minutes before we leave the house because the number of stains my clothes have after dealing with my kids would make it too embarrassing for me to handle in public.
I feel like I’m constantly missing the mark, like it’s always just outside of my reach; that somehow all the other moms on Instagram, with time for manicures and kids donned in matching and spotless outfits, got a manual at birth or went to the right parenting conference that gave them failproof child training programs that magically circumvented screaming and tantrums and throwing mac and cheese across the table.
Maybe I’m trying too hard, or maybe I’m not trying hard enough? Does every mom feel like she is failing her kids?
*Read the rest of the article published at Motherly
Photo by Alexey Shikov on Unsplash